Abusive relationships are something I know about ALL too well. I was in an abusive relationship from 2008-2010. This guy would emotionally, mentally, and physically abuse me. I stayed because I felt he needed proof that I loved him, which I honestly did. After many talks about our childhood, I noticed that he still harbored feelings of rejection and abandonment from his father. And he witnessed abuse in his home. Whenever he would hit me, he would aim right at my face (as if it was a jealous move to damage my face). I was afraid to post innocent pictures of me and guy friends on Facebook, because I was afraid he'll blow things out of proportion and if we were out somewhere and I ran into a guy I was cool with/went to school with, I would act like I didn't see them just to keep things "comfortable" and I would have to apologize to them via text/message. It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life! The last straw was April 3rd, 2009. We were in his apartment. We had a confrontation and punched me. I had a black eye and horns (Yes, horns! protruding out my head like a cartoon character). I was done and out. He had so much anger in him, but when I realized that no matter what I did or said, he was set in his ways and it was time for me to bounce.
Abuse is NEVER OK. End it. Start Over. Forgive. Renew. And Refresh.
1. Recognize The Signs
- Whether it is causing rifts between your friends or family, isolating your sanity from YOU, telling you that no one would want you, telling you "I Love You" then tell you that you are worthless, or placing blame on you for their actions/reaction... Recognize these signs and understand that love does not hurt nor does it deserve to hurt.
2. Journal
- Start keeping documentation of your abuse. Pictures, letters, etc are documentation.
3. Release Yourself
- Once you notice the signs, your feelings will naturally start to disintegrate. And you will feel a sense of power. Take this time to start making moves, secretly.... I can't stress this enough!!
4. Get Your Money Together
- Luckily for me, we didn't live together and I had my own money, so I didn't have to inform him on my finances. If you do depend on him as your means of living, then I would secretly put up some money. Have a friend hold it for you, bury it, or get a post office box.
5. Find Shelter
- Family, friends, or halfway house.... Pretty self -explanatory and preferably someone who he doesn't know.
6. Restraining Order
- Once you get everything in order, get the cops involved!! You are going to need your documentation from step 2 to provide for the cops and inform them that you want a restraining order.
7. Therapy
- Therapy can have a certain stigma, especially to the black community and let me say this, there is nothing crazier than knowing you have an issue and not taking the appropriate steps to make yourself better.
8. Heal & Forgive
- Take your time and heal. Take time away from men. Take time away from negative people. Allow yourself to get to know YOU again... Forgive him and know that whatever has happened is NOT your fault... Abuse is NEVER ok....
Present Time ► I am currently seeing a therapist. She is wonderful and she thoroughly listens to what you have to say. I still have some things I need to work on that I have deeply suppressed over the years. I thank GOD for her and I thank HIM for my boyfriend. He knows the things I have gone through over the years and he is such a MAJOR supporter in my life and he listens to me. I'm very blessed to have him in my life. I have debated writing this post, but I thought that telling my story, I may help some of you. It's not where you've been, it's where you are going....
